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[winboze]

Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ***
Project:  Version - Windows Longhorn

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

Примерен код

#include <nonsense.h> #include <lies.h> #include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ #include <process.h> /* For the court of law */ #define say(x) lie(x) #define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE #define next_year soon #define the_product_is_ready_to_ship   another_beta_version void main() {  if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)  {    if (there_are_still_bugs)      market(bugfix);    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)      raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);  }  while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)  {    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in                                                    lie.h */    if (rumours_grow_wilder)      make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)    {      market_time=ripe;      say("It will be ready in one month);      order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);      order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);      order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);      vapourware=TRUE;      break;     }  }  switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)  {     case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:       say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");       break;    case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:       say("Yes it will work");       ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);       pretend(there_is_no_problem);       break;     case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:       say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"           " the 32 bits architecture");       inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");       inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"              "'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");       inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");       get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);       break;     case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:       say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for            everyone");       register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);       when(time_is_ripe)       {         arrest(journalist);         brainwash(journalist);         when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)         {           order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");           release (journalist);         }       }       break;   }   while (vapourware)   {     introduction_date++; /* Delay */     if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)       break;     say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);  }  release(beta_version)  while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)  {    bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;    release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);    introduce(more_memory_requirements);    if (customers_report_installation_problems)    {      say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");      if   (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_pla y)      {        ignore(customer);        order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this                                              bastard");      }    }    if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )    {        divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_he r);      wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);      marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);      devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);      if (boobies_start_to_hang)        dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);    }    if (there_is_another_company)    {      steal(their_ideas);      accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);      hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */        wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_law suit);      buy_out(other_company);    }  }  /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at     us */  order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);  buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);  laugh_at(everyone,  for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_anothe r_unfinished_version); } void bugfix(void) {  charge (a_lot_of_money)  if   (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)    say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");  if (still_complaints)  {    ignore(customer);    register(customer, big_Bill_book);    /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/  } }

[paveldikov]

Това е алфата, бе! Аз пък имам Vista RC0 (5456)! Странно!

Примерен код

bits 16      ; We are modern. 16 bits are a lot! global __start      ; Signifying Windows Starter, the most advanced version section .text      ; where we get ideas for the BSOD main:; we guess it means `secondary', but well, we are dumb...               mov     eax, 1337      ; we aren't close to being 1337, but               ret      ; the best part.

Явно мекушавците пак искат асемблер!